My Good Ear

God this music is awful. Seriously, my good ear is on the verge of collapse, if only my drink were stronger it would numb me enough to finish my burger and get the hell out of here.

The two person band showed up within minutes of me placing an order. The first song was bearable, an American girl singing about dumb tourists snapping photos of the town and posting to Facebook to show off. I could handle that, it was the truth after all, but the next song switched over to her boyfriend of Latin American descent. He belched out the most overdone song in modern history : No Woman, no cry by Bob Marley. ‘Please’ I thought to myself, ‘please just let me finish my Burger’. And then it happened…right at the end of the song a drunk cheerfully yelled out a request, the likes of which almost forced a big chunk of my ground beef to fly across the bar and explode onto the opposite wall. It was Hotel California. I closed my eyes, inhaled the rest of my meal and promptly left. This was probably all my fault to begin with, a Lonely Planet recommendation + American Owner + a recent noise complaint about the establishment to the local authorities as well as a criminal complaint = this place is quite possibly out of place. Before arriving I had passed a very local looking dive bar that seemed very festive, with loud Panamanian music, bull fighting on the TVs and a dark and dingy atmosphere that seemed to draw in the natives. This is not usually the type of place that seems inviting to me, but now that I think of it, why the hell not – I’m going in tomorrow. I will probably meet some interesting chaps in there.

Two random thoughts :

Stuff Americans Like in Latin America
– cafes on the plaza
– bottled water
– air-conditioned rooms
– khaki colored pants
– cocktails without ice
– zipline tours even when not in a jungle
– wifi access
– obsessive use of the money belt
– online reservations
– native children 4 years old and younger
– menus with translations

Stuff Americans Hate in Latin America
– having to put soiled toilet paper in the trash
– cold showers
– waiters who don’t check on you every two minutes
– roving packs of dogs
– incessant pestering by craft salesmen
– runny eggs for breakfast
– nescafe
– McDonald’s sightings
– bus rides where a part of your body has to touch a part of the body of the person next to you

And just because I didn’t want this to be a pictureless post…here’s a lizard: